Tag Archives: Love

The Last 31 Days of Project 365

12.1.2010 – Keep it Somewhere Safe*

– Lonely Galaxy, “Modern Love”
– Girls, “Heatbreaker”
– Crystal Castles, “Not in Love (feat. Robert Smith)”

For the Love of All that is Autumn

Some of the Small Things I Love about Autumn:
• The smell of pumpkin cooking/baking — thank you to whomever’s pumpkin-based baking wafted across my path today!
• The vibrant colors of Fall foliage and crunching fallen leaves underfoot
• Comice Pear season
• Soup-making (and eating) season
• Rediscovering sweaters, scarves, and coats that have been packed away since March(ish)
• Drinking ungodly amounts of tea in the varieties of peppermint, Rooibos, and (decaffeinated) Early Grey
• Long walks in the waning sunlight enjoying #2, and which necessitate the use of #5
• Sleeping under a heavy-fill duvet with the windows wide open
• Red cheeks, chilled fingers and warm hearts

9.6.2010 – Sidewalk Decorations* Diptych (Orange, CA)

– Beirut, “Scenic World”
– Les Shelleys, T. Brosseau, A. Correa, “The World is Waiting for the Sunrise”
– Fruit Bats, “Everyday that We Wake Up it’s a Beautiful Day”

Truth in Dreams

The last two nights I dreamt I was able to say the one thing I need to say to one particular person.  That may be the closest I ever come to doing so.  Maybe that is all I need.

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4.15.2010 – Canned*


Fair, “Confidently Dreaming”;
Eel, “In My Dreams”

Wholeness in Longing

Continuing yesterday’s sentiments and call to get up, to stand firm, and to move forward, I now inch toward the topic of what to do with the longings of one’s heart.

There are things we want: a new road bike or camera, longer vacations, a more fluid source of income, a new job, a new house, etc..  Then there are the things that we desire and long for with the deepest parts of who we are; where mind, soul, and heart ache for that which is missing.

What do you with these deep aches, which have an uncanny way of making themselves felt during the most joyous of occasions?

Last weekend I visited the San Francisco Bay Area, a place I considered home for fifteen years (ten of which I spent in SF during my early childhood, and the remaining five in Berkeley for university and work).  Everywhere I turned I was surrounded by reminders of the things which I so deeply desire but which I do not, and may never, have.

My longings do not take away from the joy I experience for others who have the thing(s) I seek.  Rather the absence and longing adds a hint of bitter-sweetness because I see and know the goodness those things bring into the lives of the people around me.

There are moments when the longing is so intense that only the silence of tears appropriately communicates the acuteness of the ache.  There are moments when I am able to accept that I may never receive that which I desire; and that with or without “it” I am no less whole.  I am no less.

In this fullness I continue to get up and to press on in hope.  I will press on whether the longing remains, is replaced, or is stripped away.  I will press on in hope that the reason I harbor this longing is that the pursuit itself gives life and draws out strengths previously unrealized.

At the end of the road, you’ll find what you’ve been longing for.  I know ’cause my feet have the scars to show.  I was lost with vague direction and with no place to call home.  It’s time for you to press on.

(Underoath, “Casting Such a Thin Shadow”)

4.8.2010 – Morning Light*


Underoath, “Casting Such a Thin Shadow”;
Explosions in the Sky, “Our Last Days as Children”;
Slowdive, “Blue Skied an’ Clear”; and
The Go Find, “New Year”.

Spring Nights

Today was marked by beautiful, warm, sunny, Spring weather; filled with the sound of birds chirping and scent of budding blossoms.  Sadly, I was stuck indoors working and bored out of my ever-loving mind.

By the time I left work it was dark.  To make up for what I missed the following is a list of beauty that comes out on warm Spring nights:

  • The scent of Night Blooming Jasmine and Orange Blossoms washing over sidewalks and through open car windows;
  • Porch lights waiting to welcome home their owners;
  • Watching homes come to life as their denizens return and fill their rooms and halls with the scents and sounds of community;
  • Laughter wafting from open windows as friends and family sit around dinner tables catching up on one another’s days and lives;
  • The mouthwatering scent of outdoor grilling and bbq;
  • The continued hope that one day I will see a firefly (though not in CA) and catch one in my hands for a moment before letting it flit away into the darkness…

4.6.2010 – Boredom (Orange, CA)*

Blogtrack — Notice a theme?

Stars, “What the Snowman Learned About Love”;
Mobius Band, “True Love Will Find You in the End”;
Little & Ashley, “Stole My Heart”;
Rufus Wainwright, “Art Teacher”;
Nellie McKay, “If I Ever had a Dream”;
Blitzen Trapper, “Heaven and Earth”; and
Colour Revolt, “A New Family”.

Easter Catch Up

I had a long weekend that was equal parts amazing and equal parts jarring.

Friday was sibling reunion day!  I met my three brothers in San Francisco.  One was in town to receive an award.  One was visiting for his in-laws’ anniversary.  One lives on the Peninsula.  The weather was crap, but that did not stop us from enjoying ourselves while catching up on life and reliving memories from our SF-based childhood.  On several occasions I laughed so hard I cried.  That combined with wet streets and driving may not be the safest thing, but oh the joy it (and my brothers) brought to my heart!

Saturday morning my youngest brother and I trekked over the 17 to Santa Cruz.  Brunch + watching the surfers at Pleasure Point + Marianne’s = a great start to any day!

The remainder of the day took everything from me.  I thought I could make it through.  I tried to focus on celebrating NJVS and catching up with friends I had not seen in months.  But everything around me told the story of how much I no longer belong.

Those eyes.  That empty hug.  That voice calling my name.  Those words referencing our past.  Without even knowing it you destroyed me yet again — not quite as devastatingly as before, but damaging nonetheless.  I thought I was done with this.  Done with you.  But you proved me wrong.  You are the “ever living ghost of what once was” and all you promised it would be; the losses of which still sting.

Why can I not simply be done?  Or when it seems like I am, why do I end up feeling as though nothing and everything has changed?  Regardless, I move forward with my tattered heart seeking healing from the only One who can redeem and transform.  For it is by His wounds that we are healed.  (Isaiah 53: 6; 1 Peter 2: 24)

Emotional and physical exhaustion set in after church (where I was reminded of the circling of joy and sorrow) and seven hours alone with my thoughts, poor weather and bad drivers on the 5 South.  There is nothing like people unwilling to abide by the two lane highway rule that the left lane is for passing to create a logjam + drivers suddenly breaking (which forced me to drive off the road and onto the soft shoulder) = total frustration.

Happy Easter.

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4.4.2010 – Quintessential Berkeley (Berkeley, CA)*

4.3.2010 – Quintessential Santa Cruz (Pleasure Point, Santa Cruz, CA)*

4.2.2010 – Boulanges (Russian Hill, San Francisco, CA)*

4.1.2010 – Fail (Costa Mesa, CA)* — Seeing this made me laugh out loud.

3.31.2010 – Paper Hat (Orange, CA)*

3.30.2010 – FAILURE. A hectic and long day of work and more work resulted in my thinking about but not actually taking any photos.


Denison Witmer, “Remember the Things You Have Seen”;
Thrice, “The Flame Deluge”;
The Nadas, “Long Goodbye”;
Guster, “Come Downstairs and Say Hello”;
Panda Bear, “Ponytail”;
Snowden, “Don’t Really Know Me” — you can download the entire EP for a small monetary donation or for the price of your email here.
Born Ruffians, “Hummingbird (acoustic)”
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros “40 Day Dream”

Project 365: Sofreh-ye Aghd

2.27.2010 – To Sweeten Life (Long Beach, CA)*

Today one of my closest friends married the man she loves.  Intimate.  Tender.  Beautiful.  A blend of Persian and Christian traditions culminated in the coming together of two lives and hearts.

To a life marked by transformative love, joy, faithfulness, grace and gentleness.

To Mr. and Mrs. Khorram!


Dawes, “If You Let Me be Your Anchor”