Tag Archives: Future

A New Destination

Yes, it has been some time since I last posted — a reoccurring theme for the last handful+ of posts. In a little more than a month, however, I will be embarking on a new adventure. And with more than a few people asking how they can stay up to date on my comings and goings during said adventure, I have determined to resurrect this blog into something useable; as opposed to the blood/emotion-letting turned photo journal turned slapdash-who-knows-what, all of which had a few playlists (via 8tracks) sprinkled in for good measure.

The adventure.

After years of internal questioning, wandering, deconstructing, and healing, I will be moving . . . scratch that . . . I AM MOVING to Juba, the capital of the Republic of South Sudan (“RoSS”). I will be working for an international humanitarian aid organization that provides multi-sectoral emergency relief and recovery assistance, i.e., health and nutrition, shelter and infrastructure, and WASH (water, sanitation and hygiene).

Yes, South Sudan is a separate nation state from Sudan. South Sudan is the youngest nation in the world, not quite two years old; following a prolonged civil war, RoSS attained independence on 9 July 2011. Study an updated atlas — a map is available HERE. Start a Google news alert about RoSS. Read some interesting books about Sudan and RoSS. The world is big and we often forget about the places and people we neither see nor regularly read about in our national press.

The blog. 

I will endeavor to write and post on a monthly basis about what I am learning and witnessing whilst living in RoSS. Given my love of the photographic medium I hope to integrate photographs into my posts once I am established and better understand the cultural and historical mis/use(s) of photography in RoSS.

With one month and a few days left in my beloved home state of California I am attempting to love well the people around me, eat heaps of Mexican food, enjoy delicious West Coast fermented beverages poolside or at my preferred establishments, seek beauty in the nearby mountains and along the coastlines, and tick off a host of items on my to-do list.

May honesty, beauty, gratitude, grace, and bravery rule today and all those that follow.

Everything is Different, Nothing has Changed

There are those moments when you know your life is going to change in an irrevocable way. Life as it is now, in its quiet beauty and predictable uncertainty (the uncertainty you have come to rely on), will end. The end may be punctuated and decisive or it may slowly wax into being. And you have no idea when or how the change and ending will occur. Sometimes these moments of revelation are loud and crashing, other times they are quiet, silently quickening the recipient’s interior life.

Yesterday, while cleaning the kitchen floor, I was silently struck by a premonition that this season of life, in which I am at peace, is coming to an end, and the things that will be removed first are the very things that helped usher in this peace. This news is equal parts ache, fear, thankfulness, gratitude, and excitement. Ache and grief for the people and places I will have to let go of and leave, for the loss of dreams and hope unrealized. Fear of the residue of past harms, lies and anxieties latent in wounds not yet fully healed, all of which have a nasty of way of resurrecting themselves in times of uncertainty. Thankfulness for the current respite full of a peace that allowed me to taste the reality (not simply the possibility) of hope. Gratitude for the reminder of what it means to be fully present here, now, and to suck its very marrow and not to allow uncertainty of what is to come to detract from or overwhelm the now. Excited for the adventures that are to come on the path I am walking, the path that is shaping me and leading me closer to where I am going, to where I am needed. An ending is coming and I must be obedient to the call forward.

Keep your head up. Keep your heart strong.

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HERE is “Pre-Summer Tunes”, my musical ode to warmer and longer days, my most recent 8tracks mix, in addition to February and March’s mixes “California Skies” and “Just Say, ‘Yes’“.

Today’s lesson

Note to self:

TRUST.

 

 

 

 
Blogtracks:
– Yelle, “Safari Disco Club”  (Download it HERE)
– La Dispute, “First Snow in Grand Rapids”  (Download it HERE)
– La Sera, “Devils Hearts Grow Gold”  (Download it HERE)

Farewell Project 365!

I was inspired by Erin Loechner’s list of “2011 Non-Goals”, in which she listed the things she loves about herself and life and does not want to alter in the coming year(s).  Here are the moments, habits and choices I want to stay the same:

  1. Embracing hope with a deep faith + refusing to settle.  You am more than you seem and more than how others’ see you/your situations.
  2. Be present.  Right here.  Right now.
  3. Keep drinking that water, putting mileage on those soles, and doing those push-ups.  You can do it!
  4. Sensing wonder and recognizing beauty in the smallest and most forgotten of places.  Keep your eyes wide open.
  5. Asking for help.  Remember, doing so is not a sign of weakness.
  6. Journaling about your gratitudes.  Each moment, each interaction, each sigh is a chance to receive grace; choose to live in its abundance.
  7. Flossing.  You averaged 5:7 nights/week . . . keep up the good work.
  8. Dreaming, wrestling with your faith, and writing.  Never stop.  Please never stop.

Goodbye 2010.   Thank you for the moments that stung, that brought laughter to my lips and others that brought tears to my eyes.  At times your challenges felt as though they would destroy me, but in your fading light I stand and know my worth.

2011, I look forward to meeting you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR’S ALL!

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12.29.2010 – Lion Opener*

12.30.2010 – RegularSpicy* (Los Angeles, CA)

12.31.2010 – The Possibilities New Planners Hold* — I love all the blank dates and pages that I get to fill-up with birthdays/holidays/weddings, events and simple dates for drinks and coffee that will overflow with poignant conversations and produce cherished memories, trips to see beloved friends . . . oh the possibilities!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Blogtrack:
– Julianna Barwick, “The Magic Place”
– Duchess Leo, “Bloom” (download it HERE)
– First Aid Kit, “When I Grow Up (Fever Ray cover)” (download it HERE)
– SilOHs, “A Zealot Sun”

Stickered

11.1.2010 – Canvassed* (Santa Ana, CA)

11.2.2010 – V-O-T-E* (California)

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Blogtrack:
Johnny Flynn, “The Water”
Horse Feathers, “Thistled Spring”
Nathaniel Rateliff, “Pounds and Pounds”
James Vincent McMorrow, “If I had a Boat”

Fortune for the Open Handed

9.22.2010 – “Use My Hands to Use My Heart”*

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Blogtrack:

KCRW live, in-studio sessions by The Walkmen and Band of Horses.

Back in the Saddle: August Week 4

8.23.2010 – Dust* (Mount Hermon, CA)

8.24.2010 – Last Bridge* (Mount Hermon, CA)

8.25.2010 – Last Day of the Blue Jay* (Mount Hermon, CA)

8.26.2010 – West Cliff Freedom* (Santa Cruz, CA)

8.27.2010 – Life’s Little Labyrinths* (Santa Cruz, CA)

Labyrinth*

Slate stones
sunken into grass
Pilgrims feet traverse
winding life and prayer                           toward Truth
Practicing presence

Breathe
Lord, have mercy.
Breathe
Christ have mercy.

Beginnings and ends
form and chaos
pattern and confusion
youth and age
meet
in twists and turns.
The enfolds of the Divine

~ESA

8.28.2010 – The Life I Never/Will Have* (San Francisco, CA)

8.29.2010 – The Last 2 Years in Cut-Out * (Emeryville, CA)

8.30.2010 – Lakeshore Blur* (Oakland, CA)

8.31.2010 – Colors * (Back in the OC)