Not content. Happy.

Last night in the moments between wake and sleep, the following question floated through my mind: “When were you last happy?  Not content.  Happy.”

Before I continue writing I feel pressed to say that I do not believe happiness or its pursuit is central to life, nor do I believe that joy and happiness are the same thing.  Happiness is transient, while joy is a state of being.  But there are those rare times when joy and happiness collide.  And those moments are breathtaking in their ability to distill and display the beauty and simplicity of it all.

Now back to the question . . .

In my case that was not the most sleep-inducing thought.  I flipped through the rolodex of images and memories collected over the last several years.  There are countless moments filled with laughter, wonderment, excitement, and contented sighs brought on by the generosity and blessings of the day.  But no moment stood out as being one defined by a sense of happiness.

Then two friends’ statements (one of which began with, “I have never seen you as happy as you were . . .”) crept into my thoughts.  With each flick of the mental rolodex their statements resounded louder and louder and no image or memory seemed to measure up to the happiness I felt during the time referenced by their comments.  I wondered if their statements were true (maybe that was the happiest I have ever been) or if I had allowed that time to become a behemoth whose shadow has blacked out other happy moments that have since transpired.

Which ever it may be, or perhaps the truth is a mixture of the two, I remain hopefilled that joy and happiness will collide again soon.  And when they do, may I have my eyes and heart open wide enough to see, know and embrace it.

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A photo from my “Project 365: Outtakes” folder:

Curse Your Branches* (2.7.2010)

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Blogtracks:
– Pandit, “Pack Your Bags” and “Artichoke” (Watch the video for the former and download the latter HERE)
– Pepper Rabbit, “Harvest Moon” (Watch the video + download the song  HERE)
– Mesita, “Your Free Spirit”

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