Chasing the Wind

I think I may have spent the last five years of my life chasing the wind.  I did everything I was supposed to do.  I had all the “right” answers.  Yet something was missing and something else weighed heavily on me.

I am not completely certain about this.  I am still seeking to discern what this means, and what is true.  But it seems as though the (bittersweet) truth has been slowly settling in over the course of five years.  As I look back, I now see the giant, blinking yellow “CAUTION” lights I chose not to heed.  The lights were there from the beginning, but their degree of brightness has reached the point of being disorienting and nearly blinding.  With time and countless attempts to make this work, I may be at the point where I can accept that this is not a reflection on my ability, but that it may be reflection of my strength to lay aside the pride and self-conceit which bound me to making this work regardless of the toll it takes.  I may be a little worse for the wear, but I am still whole.

Perhaps the sentiments expressed in this PostSecret + response kind of sum things up:

Response: “I am jealous. I feel like my success has entrapped me.”

Now I move forward in faith.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

4.10.2010 – Wishes Half Gone Before I Even Arrived (Orange, CA)*

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Blogtrack:

the dodos, “Walking”;
Snowden, “No One in Control”

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