I had a long weekend that was equal parts amazing and equal parts jarring.
Friday was sibling reunion day! I met my three brothers in San Francisco. One was in town to receive an award. One was visiting for his in-laws’ anniversary. One lives on the Peninsula. The weather was crap, but that did not stop us from enjoying ourselves while catching up on life and reliving memories from our SF-based childhood. On several occasions I laughed so hard I cried. That combined with wet streets and driving may not be the safest thing, but oh the joy it (and my brothers) brought to my heart!
Saturday morning my youngest brother and I trekked over the 17 to Santa Cruz. Brunch + watching the surfers at Pleasure Point + Marianne’s = a great start to any day!
The remainder of the day took everything from me. I thought I could make it through. I tried to focus on celebrating NJVS and catching up with friends I had not seen in months. But everything around me told the story of how much I no longer belong.
Those eyes. That empty hug. That voice calling my name. Those words referencing our past. Without even knowing it you destroyed me yet again — not quite as devastatingly as before, but damaging nonetheless. I thought I was done with this. Done with you. But you proved me wrong. You are the “ever living ghost of what once was” and all you promised it would be; the losses of which still sting.
Why can I not simply be done? Or when it seems like I am, why do I end up feeling as though nothing and everything has changed? Regardless, I move forward with my tattered heart seeking healing from the only One who can redeem and transform. For it is by His wounds that we are healed. (Isaiah 53: 6; 1 Peter 2: 24)
Emotional and physical exhaustion set in after church (where I was reminded of the circling of joy and sorrow) and seven hours alone with my thoughts, poor weather and bad drivers on the 5 South. There is nothing like people unwilling to abide by the two lane highway rule that the left lane is for passing to create a logjam + drivers suddenly breaking (which forced me to drive off the road and onto the soft shoulder) = total frustration.
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4.4.2010 – Quintessential Berkeley (Berkeley, CA)*
4.3.2010 – Quintessential Santa Cruz (Pleasure Point, Santa Cruz, CA)*
4.2.2010 – Boulanges (Russian Hill, San Francisco, CA)*
4.1.2010 – Fail (Costa Mesa, CA)* — Seeing this made me laugh out loud.
3.31.2010 – Paper Hat (Orange, CA)*
3.30.2010 – FAILURE. A hectic and long day of work and more work resulted in my thinking about but not actually taking any photos.
Denison Witmer, “Remember the Things You Have Seen”;
Thrice, “The Flame Deluge”;
The Nadas, “Long Goodbye”;
Guster, “Come Downstairs and Say Hello”;
Panda Bear, “Ponytail”;
Snowden, “Don’t Really Know Me” — you can download the entire EP for a small monetary donation or for the price of your email here.
Born Ruffians, “Hummingbird (acoustic)”
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros “40 Day Dream”