How do you know…

. . . when to fight for something or to let it go?

I have been struggling with this question for quite some time.  As of late I feel like I too readily give up things, accepting that “things happen for a reason.”  Things may not work out.  They may even blow up in my face.  My eyelashes get singed.  I feel.  I think.  I reflect.  I examine.  I then attempt to remedy the perceived problem only to receive a second+ degree burn or two –> I throw up my hands, yelp “I get it!”, and make a quick exit.

Some of my earlier posts deal with my need to let things go.  But discerning what to do when something – well, in all honestly, that something is a someone; but the question applies to many areas of my life – seems to be worth fighting for is so difficult.  Insert: stamping of foot and pouting like a four-year old.

Maybe the problem is that I was doing well.  Or at least I thought and felt like I was doing well.  I did not give a lick.  I went on with my life.  The anger and disappointment dissolved.  I processed.  I pursued health.  I grew stronger.  Then a week and a half ago I got on an airplane and it all came flooding back: you, us, the future you promised and I saw forming.  The worst part is I should have seen that this was going to happen.  I did not lose what I gained but the questions flared up.  Again.

How much do I listen to my heart and its longing?  How much do I trust that where I am is where I need to be?  When do I put down my foot and declare (with proverbial shotgun in hand), “I will not be moved” and start fighting?  At what point do I accept that I am worth more, willingly release it, and move forward to make space for a greater yes?

Maybe the chaotic and perplexing beauty of these and similar questions is found in the ability, or at least the willingness to hold what seem like diametrically opposing thoughts and feelings at the same time.  Maybe. . .

Ever hopeful.

*****************
Blogtrack:

This mix.

Advertisements

One response to “How do you know…

  1. I must admit I return to your photos, especiallythis post, often through my Google Reader. I think I’ve read this post about a dozen times, each time getting something different out of it. You photo “Rust Meets Must” struck me as a visual analogy of these words. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s